Tis the Season of (Rock Hard) Love
by SparkyDapperDab19
Summary: Jaune and Ren have been through a lot together in the three years they've spent together as teammates. But when the Dustmas season arrives, the quest for the perfect gift for their partners will prove to be their most challenging task yet. Will a gift from the heart (or perhaps the loins) truly prevail? Beta by blaiseingfire. WARNING: Sexual themes and crude humor.


**Alright everyone, there is a AN at the end of this one shot and in the meantime, I hope you all enjoy this. Shoutout to blaiseingfire for helping me with this and being my Beta. I don't own RWBY. It belongs to the late Monty Oum and Roosterteeth. **

Tis the Season of (Rock Hard) Love  
By SparkyDapperDab19

Jaune Arc hated Dustmas.

He always hated the holidays. Dustmas, Lunukkah, Shawkwanzaa, all of it could be evaporated from existence and he wouldn't care at all. Now, don't take this the wrong way. He never said he hated the Dustmas season, he just hated the days the season was centered around.

Jaune couldn't get enough of the chilly weather, the layers of snow, and the glimmers of cheer and kindness he would see every time he headed out into Vale. It was the avarice and commercialism that made him dread the entire month.

But this year just like the last three years during his stay at Beacon Academy, the hatred grew ten-fold as Jaune realized that even though he was free from the disappointing looks of his family, he was facing a whole other conundrum entirely.

Pyrrha Flipping Nikos.

Which brings Jaune to the conflict at hand, currently hunched over his desk within his dorm room. The soft thumps of his forehead hitting the polished hardwood of the desk were the only noises to keep him company in his hour of anguish.

The sharp jiggle of JNPR's front door snapped him out of his painful and pitiful thumping as he turned toward the entrance to see Lie Ren, the brother he never had walk in with the same dejected look upon his face. Jaune only saw Ren's look of hopelessness for a few moments as the ninja dropped his grocery bags on the floor and dejectedly hurled himself onto his bed with a sigh that could summon a pack of Beowolves to his position.

"No luck?" Jaune asked with a voice that grated against his throat.

"Oh no," Ren said. "I got everything I need for the dinner in a few days. But the Grimm don't need to worry about tearing us apart. Humanity during the holiday season has that covered."

"It's always been a jungle out there, Ren." Jaune said as he took solace in one last thump against his desk. "Always has been and always will be."

"Also," Ren said with his pointer finger in the air. "The amount of ravenous old ladies willing to fight for cranberry sauce is concerning."

"You don't know the half of it. Try beating them away with a stick," Jaune shuddered at the memory of last Dustmas. The Cranberry Sauce Splatastrophy would live forever in infamy. "Also, where're Nora and Pyrrha? I haven't seen them all day."

"Pyrrha had to run some errands and said she was going to stop by the tower to talk to her family." Ren started. "Nora, is currently running amok in Vale finding me a present. Her insistence on being alone was very… blatant to say the least."

"Threw you into the bullhead again?" Jaune asked while he propped his elbow up and placed his chin in his palm.

"I have the bump on my head and low aura levels to prove it."

Jaune snickered a bit at Ren's remark. "Have you gotten a gift for Nora?"

A groan of defeat was all that came out of Ren.

"Well we still have a few days. So, it isn't a crisis just yet."

Ren lifted his head from "You haven't gotten anything either?" just like that another thump emitted from Jaune as his head landed directly on his desk once more.

"You and Nora are set, it's Pyrrha that's been the problem." Jaune's muffled voice just barely made it to Ren's ears.

"How so?" Ren asked as he rolled onto his back with his hands folded.

"She's too materialistic!" Jaune shouted before he stood up from his desk. "Even Weiss has nothing on her!"

Ren rose from his bed with a raised eyebrow. "Jaune, I don't want to say I don't believe you, it's just that I can't believe you." Ren said. "I'm sure Pyrrha isn't the materialistic type."

"That's how she gets you!" Jaune said as he scrambled over his desk and pulled out a small, folded piece of paper.

Ren looked on at his partner who he couldn't take seriously in those moments as the blonde knight began to unfold the piece of paper. Ren's eyebrows furrowed in confusion before they rose with complete and utter surprise as Jaune had completely unfolded the paper into a massive tapestry of connecting lines and timelines that rivaled the investigation boards at the police department.

"No matter how hard I think on it, she already has every potential gift I planned on giving her." Jaune said as he propped the massive poster against the wall.

"Her shallow friends have given her basic charms and accessories via PO box," he pointed to the top right-hand corner that spelled _"Fake friends"_ which also showed pictures of low-grade jewelry and cheap products. "I can't even begin to explore the flower sector with all the fans she has," Jaune pointed to the bottom left-hand corner which spelled _"Fans,"_ along with a drawing of a skull.

Ren couldn't help but let out a low whistle at the greenhouse that contained all the flowers Pyrrha had been given in the past year.

"Any and all luxurious gifts are out of the question too." Jaune said as he glared at the top left-hand corner that spelled "_Rich Douchebags_" along with many pictures of rich, young men with crude phalluses drawn over them in sharpie. "Cars, very nice jewelry, tickets to the best musicals around, and even nights on the town in Atlas. All for the chance to court her or at the very least get into bed with her." Jaune growled during the last part of his sentence while his hands balled up into fists.

"Well I'm sure she doesn't want those things, Jaune." Ren said as he got up from his bed and put a hand on his leader's shoulder. "Pyrrha has always been sentimental, I'm sure giving her something that has meaning to the both of you would work out in your favor." Ren's confidence diminished at a consistent demeanor as Jaune slowly turned to him.

"Clearly you have not read the entire board." Jaune said with dread before he gestured to the bottom right section that spelled _"Family."_ which showed many pictures of Pyrrha on family vacations with her mother and father. There were also pictures of Pyrrha holding Milo and Akuko next to her father; both had the biggest grins on their faces.

"I didn't know Pyrrha's weapons were made by her dad." Ren said.

"He's the best weapons designer in Mistral. It's why she handles her weapons with such care." Jaune said as he rubbed his chin while his narrow eyes scanned the poster. "See?! It's impossible to compete!" Jaune wasted no time as he grasped the paper and folded it back into a tiny square with the same speed he had when he opened it.

"How long did it take you to make that anyway?" Ren asked with a bit of concern.

"An hour. I do this for most problems I have to deal with." Jaune said with a breath as he put the piece of paper at the corner of his desk.

"Even when we're training?"

"Those are more mental," Jaune replied. "I try to jot down everything I can to get an edge when it comes to training."

"That seems like a lot to process."

"If it wasn't for the constant screaming, my mind would be a wonderful place." Jaune said with a genuine smile which creeped Ren out even more than intended.

"Alright then…" Ren said as he took a step back from Jaune. "Have you considered just adding to the sentimental gifts? It appears she seems to love those the most compared to the rest. Nora enjoys those as well." Ren reassured with a gentle smile of his own.

"Perhaps," Jaune said as he looked down. "But what if she doesn't like what I give her?"

"I'm sure she'll love whatever you give her, Jaune."

"That's what they all say!" Jaune yelled with stress in his voice. "They say they aren't picky, they aren't hard to please, but no matter how genuine you are, no matter how much effort you put in, it's never enough!" Jaune dejectedly sat at the foot of his bed and hung his head. "They just blow off your hard work and give up on you finding them a better gift next year."

Ren stood there a bit stunned at Jaune's outburst. He was uncertain of what he wanted to say, but he could guess that all of what Jaune was feeling wasn't new to him.

"I take it you have dealt with this before?"

"My family doesn't even include me in their gift exchanges anymore," Jaune said before he let out a breath. "My sister, Saph, always tells me that the packages I mail her either never come, arrive damaged, or were stolen, and last time I went shopping for the family dinner, I got banned from five grocery stores."

Ren said nothing and instead, sat down next to Jaune while he listened.

"I just don't want Pyrrha to be added to that list." Jaune said. "I don't want her to look at me the same way they all do. She matters way too much."

The two sat there with the dilemma out in the open. Neither knew what to say or do in those moments but just sit there with nothing but the truth.

"I feel the same way about Nora," Ren said. "We don't have much in regard to family, so what I give her for the holidays has to matter." Ren's gaze lowered and matched Jaune's. "But there is only so many pancake bed and breakfasts I can give her as well as modifications to her hammer…" the same doubt trailed off Ren's back as he tensed a bit.

"Ruby would have to disagree." Jaune said with a snicker. The two looked at each other for a few moments before they both started to laugh at the thought of Ruby modifying Nora's weapon to an absurd degree.

"Well," Ren said. "You could always write Pyrrha a song." The ninja's suggestion made Jaune look at him with surprise. "You clearly have the courage for it if your experience with Weiss is anything to go by?"

"You saw that?" Jaune said nervously.

"I heard it through the door," Ren replied. "Not to mention Yang posted it to the DustNet. It trended for a bit."

"Dammit." Jaune muttered as he hid his face in his hands.

"Well, how about this time you put more effort into it for Pyrrha?" Ren asked.

"But I did that for Weiss to ask her out. Pyrrha is more a-!" Jaune was interrupted as Ren put a hand up in front of his face.

"Jaune, none of us are idiots. You included. You've seen how she around you. Just look at the dance three years ago," Ren said which made Jaune blush at the memory. "And just from seeing the amount of… planning you've done when it came to getting her a gift, I'm pretty sure you feel the same way."

"Was it that obvious?" Jaune asked.

"Does it matter at the moment?" Ren replied with a raised eyebrow.

"I guess not." Jaune said before a determined look returned to his face. "Okay. Let's do that."

"Both of us?" Ren asked with his eyebrow still raised, but more in confusion.

"I mean, why not?" Jaune shrugged. "Nora will like it too. I'm sure." Jaune gave his teammate a knowing look.

Ren looked away with a bit of embarrassment. "I'm sure as well." both smiled at the decision they had come to before a puzzling look came across Jaune.

"It's just that we have only a few days, and inspiration seems lacking at the moment." Jaune said while he rubbed his chin.

"I'm sure we'll find something soon." Ren said before the sharp jiggling of the door returned.

Both students looked up to see their teammate, Pyrrha Nikos enter their room with slacking grace and a mountain of wrapped presents in her arms. "Hello!" she exclaimed with her signature cheer. Jaune couldn't help but smile at the soothing sound of her voice.

"Need help?" Jaune asked as he lessened the load she had to carry. "I take it that your mailbox got filled up?"

"Indeed." Pyrrha said as she and her partner set down the gifts on her side of the room. "It gets a bit hectic, but I do appreciate the gestures." Her false happiness turned true as she set the gifts down and turned to her friends. "But it's the gift my parents gave me that really stands out." she said as she held out her hand for Jaune and Ren to see. Both boys looked on at the single key in her palm.

"Did they get you a car?" Ren asked, to which the champion shook her head.

"My parents were worried I wouldn't have anywhere to stay when I graduated so they gave me their vacation home in the Vale countryside!" she said with unparalleled happiness.

"Wow!" Jaune said with raw enthusiasm.

"That was awfully nice." Ren said with a supportive smile.

"We should all go there sometime." Pyrrha said with a happiness Jaune couldn't get enough of. "I'm sure Nora would love that as well."

"We could have our Dustmas dinner out there instead of in the mess hall." Ren suggested. "I mean, as long as we let the professors know since we are all on break, I'm sure it will be fine."

"Fantastic!" Pyrrha exclaimed with unfamiliar enthusiasm before she turned to her partner, "I'm sure you'll love it." she gave Jaune a smile before realization flashed across her face. "Oh! A package came for you too, Jaune." Pyrrha said as she handed Jaune a fairly sized box.

"Who's it from?" Jaune asked.

"I believe one of your sisters." Pyrrha replied as she removed her heavy coat and hung it up in her closet. "The one in Argus. That's what the address said."

"Saph." Jaune surmised with fake cheer. He looked to Ren who gave him a sympathetic look.

"That was awfully kind of her." Pyrrha said. Jaune and Ren internally winced at Pyrrha's remark, but held no offense as Jaune weighed the box.

"It's kinda heavy." Jaune said as he held it with straight arms and used his waist to keep it balanced. "But it also looks kind of small, so…oh." Jaune trailed off before he laughed a bit at what he noticed.

"What is it Jaune?" Pyrrha asked as she and Ren were a bit confused.

"Adrien left a hole in the box so I can see what I'm getting." Jaune said with another laugh as he showed Ren and Pyrrha. "He hates waiting for toys, so he likes to see what he and other people are getting."

"Isn't he only two?" Ren asked with a bit of concern. "How does he cut out the hole so perfectly?"

"Two and a half, and Saph still doesn't know how he does it. She always checks to see if the knife drawer is locked tight.

"Well," Pyrrha said with a smile. "It was awfully kind of him to be looking out for you." Pyrrha gave Jaune a smile that made his heart skip a couple beats. A few moments later she headed off to the bathroom. "I'm going to clean up before we get something to eat. I'll see you in a few."

"Sounds good." Jaune said before he gave her a thumbs up. Once the door shut, he held the box with both hands as he felt the full weight strain against his arms.

"I wonder what they got you." Ren said as he got up to work at his desk.

"Clearly something I most likely don't need." Jaune said with a short laugh before he attempted to put the box on his desk, only to notice that the hole Adrien cut had snagged against his zipper. Frustration was apparent as Jaune struggled with the box for a few moments.

Jaune suddenly stopped all movement as his eyes widened at the box.

"No way." Jaune said as he released the box from it's concerning position. "No way." Jaune said again as he began to write in his notebook at a feverish pace.

"Jaune?" Ren asked with a returning concern in his voice.

"Hold on, Ren!" Jaune exclaimed. "I think I got something!"

Moments turned to minutes as Jaune continued to scribble in his notes. Before Ren could investigate further, Jaune shoved a piece of paper in his face.

"Jaune, what is…" Ren trailed off before his eyes widened at the words before him. "I don't think this will work."

"That's why it WILL work." Jaune said. "It's us, so they won't be too disturbed and find it more funny than gross, it'll be at Pyrrha's place, so privacy will be aplenty, and it's nothing I've seen anyone else do before! They'll never see it coming!"

Ren made a disgusted face at Jaune's unintentional pun.

"You know what I mean." Jaune said as he stared at him blankly. "Seriously, this could work!"

"Or it could blow up in our faces and make the next few years incredibly awkward for us all." Ren said.

"I've dealt with worse." Jaune shrugged.

"How?!"

"Not important," Jaune said before he reached his hand out for Ren to shake. "You in?"

Ren stood there with an uneasy posture as he looked on at his friend. With a few shaky breaths, Ren finally sighed and shook Jaune's hand.

"Nothing ventured, nothing, gained." Ren said.

"That's the spirit!" Jaune said. "Now, I'll finish up the lyrics, and then we can get to making the music in Vale. One of my sisters knows a studio." Jaune furrowed his brow and leaned back in his chair. "Could you make a list of the supplies we'll need as well as the start to choreography?" Jaune asked.

Ren was taken aback by the sudden handle his leader had on the situation. Nevertheless, it amazed him to no end as he smiled at Jaune.

"Consider it done."

#

Three days.

It took Jaune and Ren three days to get everything done. The recording was done the same day Jaune and Ren agreed to go ahead with what they had planned, even though Jaune had to pull every string he could with one of his sisters to get it done in the first place. The two of them spent the second day and most of the night memorizing the choreography like clockwork. Jaune loved Ren, but he forgot how much of a stickler Ren could be when it came to dancing. Finally, the third day consisted of many agonizing and tear-jerking trials and errors in regard to the gifts they intended to give to their partners. At the end of the third day, Jaune and Ren created the most comfortable and safe boxes they could, but both men would still shudder at any form of cardboard for years to come.

Nevertheless, everything was prepared and ready to go. There was nothing more to go over and the exhaustion became prevalent due to Jaune and Ren being out cold during the entire drive up to Pyrrha's place in the Vale hills. It was only five minutes before they arrived when Nora took the liberty of waking them up with her signature volume.

The ringing in Jaune's ears woke him from his slumber in such an abrupt manner, that he couldn't help but rocket forward and reach for his weapon, only to bash his nose on the passenger seat in front of him.

"Oww." Jaune groaned as he leaned back in pain. Nora's laughing soon followed, which caused the blonde knight to smile at the amusing memory they just made.

"You okay, Jaune?" Pyrrha asked as her eyes were on the road.

"Never better." Jaune said before he winced and scrunched up his nose.

"And certainly not alone." Ren said.

Jaune turned to his teammate and saw he was holding his nose in the same manner as well.

"That's what happens to people who sleep through the entire road trip," Nora said before she slouched in the front passenger seat with a comical pout. "Had a road trip playlist made and everything."

"We can listen to it on the way back," Pyrrha offered with a smile before her attention returned to the road. "We're coming up on our destination, everyone. Can you see it?"

Jaune leaned to the left and stared out onto the very luxurious looking home Pyrrha had talked about. It was big, but simple. Clearly enough rooms for all of them to have separately and enough outside space to handle the Nora level of antics they would most likely get into.

"It's really beautiful." Jaune said with a smile. He soon noticed the small smile his partner had on her face and he leaned back into his seat.

"So, what are we going to do?" Nora asked as she bounced up and down in excitement. "Snowball fight? build a snowman? OH! Snowman fight?!"

"Not again Nora," Ren sighed. "Not again."

"Oh, come on, my snowmen weren't that scary." Nora waved off with a carefree attitude.

"You traumatized a small child." Ren replied, which killed all the noise in the car.

"So, he got spooked! So what?!"

"He wouldn't let go of his stuffed tiger for three months and he kept muttering the title 'Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons' for five." Ren concluded. "The family had to cover their windows every time it snowed."

"That's…interesting," Jaune said with a nervous look at Nora before he turned to Ren. "And how do you know it's been that long?"

"His mother and I share recipes whenever we take a cooking class together." Ren said before he massaged his temples. "And we had his father help us trademark the title of the snowmen. I still have to apologize on Nora's behalf for it."

"Well, on that disturbing note," Pyrrha said as they all felt the car glide to a halt, "We're here. I suggest we unpack and unload everything we brought up."

"Sounds like a plan." Jaune said as he shook off the disturbing thought of 'Snow Goons' being sentient. "I'll get started with the luggage. Ren could you help me with the presents? Pyrrha, could I see the keys to the house?" he gave her a thankful smile when he felt the key fall into his palm.

"Of course," Ren said as he pulled his coat tighter to his person and rubbed his hands together. "I should get started on cooking. It'll be dark sooner than we expect."

"Then I'll get started on the snow army!" Nora said before she bolted off without any objections from her team.

"You go with, Pyrrha." Jaune said as he nudged in Nora's direction while he carried his luggage. "Ren and I need to do some things anyway."

"You sure, Jaune?" Pyrrha asked.

All Jaune did was give her a reassuring nod before he and Ren turned toward the massive home. Uncertainty and fear were written across their faces, but with shaky breaths, both of them headed inside with everything they needed for that night.

"You know this could end in disaster, right?" Ren asked.

"I know," Jaune replied as he set his things down in the massive living room. "But it's either going to be that or an absolute success. There's no in between. Not to mention, we put a lot of work into it and after we release the music online, we have the chance of making at least some money."

"How do you know that?"

"I got a sixth sense about these kinds of things."

Ren shook his head in defeat. "Well, we came this far," he gave Jaune a blank stare as the knight let out a sharp, singular laugh at the unintentional pun. "Might as well go through with it. I should also make this the best dinner I've ever cooked."

"Sort of like a last meal?" Jaune asked.

"Of course," Ren replied. "Go on and get the rest of the gifts from Nora and Pyrrha, I'll get started on the dinner."

"Will do." Jaune said as he shivered a bit at the lack of heat. "I'll also ask Pyrrha if we can get the heater going along with a log in the fireplace."

"Make that a few logs." Ren said as he pointed at the massive fireplace. The usually stoic ninja laughed a bit as Jaune paled at the sight. "I'll see you in a few."

"Hey, Ren?" Jaune asked, earning the ninja's attention. "I just want to say no matter what happens tonight, I appreciate the help. You've really become the brother I never had."

Ren paused for a moment as he looked down at Jaune's hand for him to shake. "A bit gross considering what we're going to be performing in a few hours, but I feel the same way." Ren accepted Jaune's hand and gave it a firm shake. "Thank you, Jaune."

"Anytime." Jaune said with a smile and a wave before he headed out once more, with an inkling of fear that tonight would prove to be what Ren predicted.

#

The day passed by so quick and yet so agonizingly slow for Jaune as he finished unloading their luggage and decided to decorate the massive house with festive décor that Pyrrha's parents had in storage. He and Ren did partake in the snow for a bit while the food was cooking, but once Ren had to return to the house, Jaune had to face the powerhouses of his team in a two vs one snowball fight for the ages. Needless to say, Jaune got pelted into oblivion.

One warm shower and a set of warm clothes later, Jaune decided it was coming up on the time to have dinner with his team. He would be lying if he didn't think it was weird to be celebrating the holidays without his family despite the past three times, but he would rather be with his team than with the usual disappointment any day. Mostly because this was the first time in a long time, he genuinely felt happy to celebrate the holidays.

He hoped that feeling lasted into tomorrow.

With a breath of confidence, Jaune exited the bathroom and headed down the stairs, only to see a magnificent display of food Ren had prepared for them all. Nora and Pyrrha were already at their seats with cozy sweaters and smiles on their faces.

"I thought you guys were waiting for me to use the bathroom." Jaune thought as he was taken aback by the beauty of the dining table that had the perfect amount of dim lighting due to the roaring fireplace.

"Jaune," Pyrrha said with an amused look. "This place has three bathrooms. We don't have to wait like we do at the dorms."

"Ah." Jaune said with realization, to which Pyrrha laughed at.

"Now that Jaune is here, we can begin." Ren said with relief as he sat down in his seat, "I just want to say before we eat," Ren glared at Nora, who held a lamb shank above her open mouth. "How much you two mean to Nora and I. We've… haven't had much family for a long time." Nora shrank a bit in her seat at that remark. "But in the last three years we've known one another, I can safely say you two, as well as Team RWBY are our family, blood or otherwise."

"Ren…" Pyrrha said with a smile on her face while she put both her hands over her heart.

"We feel the same way, buddy." Jaune said with raised glass of wine and a smile that never left his face since they arrived.

"Alright, now we can eat." Ren said, to which joyful chaos ensued much to Nora's enthusiasm. Food was eaten, stories were told, and laughs were shared among the four teammates as the night grew darker. The fire never dimmed as their meal finished and the four of them found themselves continuing their conversations in the living room.

"So, how about them presents?" Nora said with anticipation that she had been bottling up since they got to Pyrrha's place.

"Didn't your family give you something, Jaune?" Ren asked, to which the blonde's eyes widened.

"Yeah, my sister, Saph." Jaune said as he went over to the tree and hoisted the heavy box up. "It feels weird that I'm the only one opening something."

"It's okay, Jaune," Pyrrha said. "My parents gave me this place already.

"You don't need to worry about us, Jaune!" Nora said with a toothy grin.

"Okay." Jaune said with some skepticism as he opened the box. "Holy…" Jaune said as his smile grew bigger.

"What is it?" Pyrrha asked.

Jaune's only response was to hold out the massive onesie for all of them to see. What made Ren raise an eyebrow, Nora burst out laughing, and Pyrrha look away in embarrassment, was the massive design of Pyrrha holding a box of Pumpkin Pete cereal.

"It's the limited super insolated Mistral edition!" Jaune said with a hysterical laugh. "I thought these were out of print!" Jaune looked at the box and noticed a letter. He picked it up and scanned over it.

"What does it say?" Pyrrha asked as she was still reeled back from the sudden image of herself.

"Adrien found it at a swap meet in pristine condition. Cost Saph a pretty lien, but told me I can pay her back by having Adrien wear it for a Dustmas card.

"That would be so cute!" Nora squealed at the thought of the baby in question in an oversized onesie.

"I got to write them a thank you card." Jaune reminded himself as he set the gift to the side. "So, should we get started?"

"Sure." Pyrrha said with joy before she looked to Jaune. "Could you two go first? Nora and I have made a joint gift for you two."

Jaune rose his eyebrows in response to the coincidence. "How about that, Ren and I did the same thing." Jaune looked to Ren who had paled a bit. "Ren, a moment of your time?"

Ren took a huge gulp of his water. "Sure." the two members of JNPR stood up and exited the living room much to Pyrrha and Nora's confusion.

Pyrrha was about to ask, but before she could open her mouth, smooth music began to play as Jaune and Ren returned with stylish suits on as well as shades. Ren was the first to open his mouth as he got close to Nora.

**Ren: ****Hey girl  
I got somethin' real important to give you  
So just sit down and listen**

Nora looked bewildered and excited all at once as she and Pyrrha were both taken aback by Ren's deep voice. Nevertheless, they looked on at their partners with anticipation as the beat dropped into a sensual groove.

**Ren: Girl you know we've been together such a long long time  
Jaune: (Such a long time)**

Both women were now stunned as their respective man circled around the couch with boxes in their hands.

**Ren: And now I'm ready to lay it on the line  
Jaune: Wow, you know it's Dustmas, and my heart is open wide  
Ren: (Open wide)  
Jaune: Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind  
Ren: (What's on my mind)**

Pyrrha was the next one to be taken aback by Jaune's range as he slid to her side with the box still safe in his hands. She and Nora noticed that their respective gifts had lids that they could easily open.

**Ren: A gift real special, so take off the top  
Jaune: Take a look inside  
it's my dick in a box!  
Ren: It's in a box**

Much to their surprise, Jaune and Ren stuck true to their words as they both went wide eyed at what was in their boxes. Pyrrha and Nora both gasped as Jaune and Ren released their hands from their gifts, only to have the boxes be fastened to their waists by nothing but their members.

**Both: Not gonna get you a diamond ring  
That sort of gift don't mean anything  
Not gonna get you a fancy car  
Girl, ya gotta know you're my shinin' star**

**Not gonna get you a house in the hills  
A girl like you needs somethin' real  
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart  
Somethin' special girl  
It's my dick in a box!**

Nora and Pyrrha both looked on at Ren and Jaune as they performed their quirky yet endearing dance with slow steps. Pyrrha wanted to say something, anything, but once the lyrics resonated in her head, she couldn't help but have the meaning click. Jaune must have seen the gifts she's gotten in the past and wanted to be original. No matter how creative he had to be.

**My dick in a box babe  
It's my dick in a box  
Ooh, my dick in a box girl**

**See I'm wise enough to know  
When a gift needs givin', and I got just the one  
Somethin' to show ya that you are second to none**

Nora couldn't help but show an intense blush as Ren looked at her with meaning to his words. Jaune smiled at the sight and continued on with their performance.

**Ren: To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress  
It's easy to do just follow these steps**

**Both: 1, cut a hole in a box  
2, put your junk in that box  
3, make her open the box  
And that's the way you do it  
It's my dick in a box!**

There was a brief pause as Ren and Jaune posed right in front of the two people they cared about the most. Nervous beads of sweat trickled down their necks as they waited for the music to return. Relief came as Nora and Pyrrha couldn't help but laugh at the position they were in.

**My dick in a box babe  
It's my dick in a box  
Ooh, my dick in a box girl**

At this point, Pyrrha and Nora couldn't help but laugh at how bold their partners were. It wasn't derogatory by any means, but with how sharp their dance was, they couldn't help but laugh at the prospect of putting all this work into a song about their members in a box.

**Ren: Dustmas,  
Jaune: dick in a box  
Ren: Lunukkah,  
Jaune: dick in a box  
Ren: Shawkwanzaa,  
Jaune: a dick in a box**

Nora let out a burst of laughter as Jaune and Ren stripped into different traditional garbs for each holiday, all while bobbing their gift boxes up and down without their hands to the beat of the music. Pyrrha was both amused and impressed at the sight.

**Jaune: Every single holiday a dick in a box  
Over at your parents' house, a dick in a box  
Mid-day at the grocery store, a dick in a box  
Backstage at the Training room's, a dick in a box**

**My dick in a box  
My dick in a box  
My dick in a box**

The music came to an abrupt end as Jaune hit the last high note. The two stood there in silence with their boxes still attached to their waists. Both were breathing heavy and as they continued to stand still, terrified of their partner's reactions. They were thankful they were wearing shades considering how scared they looked without them. Nora was the first to open her mouth.

"Well, I think that clears up any doubts, don't you say, Pyrrha?" Nora said much to Jane and Ren's confusion. Jaune looked to Pyrrha and saw that she was blushing furiously, but wasn't appalled nor disgusted at his gift.

"I don't see why not." Pyrrha said softly.

Jaune and Ren both took a nervous gulp as their partners got up and each grabbed a box. Nora gave hers to Ren and Pyrrha gave hers to Jaune.

"Merry Dustmas, Ren." Nora said with a bit of a blush.

"Merry Dustmas, Jaune." Pyrrha said with equal intensity.

Jaune and Ren looked at each other with confusion before they opened up their equally sized boxes. Only to see stylish lingerie.

"Umm…" Ren said with a blank stare.

"Pyrrha," Jaune said with a raised eyebrow. "I'm flattered," he gestured to Ren. "I'm sure we're flattered that you think we would look good in these, but…"

"What?! No no no!" Pyrrha said with a scarlet blush.

"Its for us to put on for you two." Nora elaborated with an amused look at Ren. "We were tired of waiting around for you two to get on with it, so we decided to be bold this year. I helped Pyrrha pick hers out while she covered the costs."

"So…" Jaune said as he scratched the back of his head. "That means you liked the gift?"

"Well." Pyrrha said. "All I can say is that one of the master bedrooms is down the hall on the first floor while the second one is upstairs."

"Dibs on downstairs!" Nora shouted as she grabbed ren by the box and bolted off with him. Ren and Jaune exchanged a look of relief and happiness for a split second before the stoic ninja disappeared from sight.

"I guess that leaves upstairs for us." Pyrrha said with an anxious voice.

"Yeah." Jaune said with a nervous laugh. "So, did you like it?"

"Well, it's certainly a first," Pyrrha started as she got closer to Jaune with a hungry look in her eyes. "But, I think it was phenomenal."

Jaune let out a sigh of relief before he gasped at a very unfamiliar sensation. He looked down to see that Pyrrha had opened the box and grabbed what was inside.

"Upstairs?" Jaune squeaked.

"Upstairs." Pyrrha said with hunger in her eyes.

That night as well as the following morning were filled with nothing but ecstasy and passion as team JNPR celebrated the holidays. What Jaune didn't expect was a bruised pelvis as well as extremely sore legs. Dehydration kicked in several hours later and once it was all said and done, Jaune laid on his back, hurting all over and with a desperation for water and with a breath of relief, he turned towards Pyrrha who was slumbering peacefully beside him.

He would always say it was the best Dustmas he ever had.

**So yeah. I had this idea last year but acted upon it too late. This year with the help of blaiseingfire, I was able to get this story off the ground. I recommend checking out his work if you liked this. I hope you all enjoyed this story and I hope this made your holidays better even just a little bit. This was fun, considering I had to substitute holidays with the last names of the writers of RWBY along with other references within this story. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy. Be compassionate and be fierce, everyone.**

**SparkyDapperDab19 signing off. **


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